Most people have no idea that Finnish is a fascinating, intricate, logical, beautiful language. Okay, most people have no idea that Finnish is even a language. So to promote public awareness of the awesomeness of Finnish, I’ve compiled a short list, detailing just a few reasons why it is so stinking cool.

  1. It sounds like the language baby of Japanese, Hawaiian, Swedish, and Parseltongue…look it up and tell me I’m wrong.
  2. It is completely, one hundred percent, all the time, always phonetic. Unlike some other stupid languages that make absolutely no sense and break phonics rules more than they adhere to them. (I’m talking to you, English…though, tough, through…).
  3. It is concise (sometimes). A phrase that spans 6 English words can be communicated in single Finnish word. Example: “In order for us to speak…” = “puhuaksemme”
  4. They have a participle for every occasion! Now I know you’re probably thinking, what in the Scandinavia is a participle? Don’t sweat it, just appreciate that it has the same approximate functionality as duct tape. You can make a verb work in any situation! The possibilities are limitless!
  5. Everything is literal. Example conversation: “I am singing.” “Why hello, literal embodiment of singing! It is delightful to meet you! Do tell, do you like yourself best soprano or alto?”

As many of the finer things in life, Finnish is woefully unappreciated and underutilized on the global scale. But for the few precious souls intimate with its beauty, it is a beast to be revered.

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